Monday, March 31, 2014

Sexy hart by Dani Lovell

 
 
 
Sexy Hart
 
With her closest girlfriends taking a step into their futures, and her gorgeous boy-BFF, Oliver, seemingly content to settle for the witch-from-hell, Clare feels everyone is growing up without her.
Clares hopes to repair the strained friendship with Oliver during their luxury trip to LA to witness the birth of Tilly and Lukes precious bundle are dashed when jealous girlfriend, Stacy, decides to tag along, ruining any chance of the pair kissing and making up
…or does it? Could the holiday change their lives and friendship, forever? Will their secret, sporadic, lascivious encounters develop into the romance that Clare so desperately craves? Or will the Universe have other, less ideal plans for her perfect Oliver?
 
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Other Books in the Sexy Series
 

 
 
Synopsis:
A long-distance relationship with a hot American businessman is the last thing on Beatrice Hart's mind when the day from hell ends with her drink-booking a last minute escape to glamorous Southern California.
With Bea's firm belief that long distance never works, will she ever consider that that an exhilarating introduction at 35,000 feet could lead to anything more than a steamy holiday romance?
Daniel Berkeley is the irresistible, delectable, smoking hot bachelor, determined to make it happen.



 
 
 
Synopsis
 
Getting pregnant with a super-hot slice of womanising, Californian man-cake was not the plan when Tilly left London for her much anticipated summer holiday in beautiful Los Angeles.
Luke Summers is the fun-loving, crazy-sexy personal fitness instructor who drives Tilly wild and unknowingly gave her this huge, unexpected gift.
As things heat up again during a Christmas trip to Aspen, will Tilly be brave enough to tell 'daddy' the good news? Or will their raw passion and wild bedroom antics keep her from admitting the truth?

Cover Reveal - Billionaire Undone by JS Scott



Billionaire Undone
 
After four years of working for “the billionaire boss from hell” Ally Caldwell thinks she finally has her life on the right track.  Her fiancé isout of dental school, ready to go to work at a thriving practice, and it would finally be her turn to go back and finish her college degree.  Unfortunately, her carefully planned future crumbles when she finds out that her fiancé, the man she’d nearly killed herself to help get through school, has been cheating on her.  With her wedding looming in the near future, Ally’s blindsided, realizing she’d never even knew the man she’d been planning to marry.  Suddenly, her carefully organized life is turned upside down, and not one single thing is turning out the way it was supposed to happen. Even her boss, Travis the Tyrant, is beginning to act differently, throwing Ally into an even more confused and chaotic state of mind.  Travis, the one man who she’d always counted on to be a jerk,was now the guy who actually steps up to try and help her straighten her life out again.  Unfortunately, she doesn’t much care for his highhanded arrogance or his methods of “helping.”  Ally wants to hate Travis.  It makes her life so much simpler to fight with him than to admit to the combustible chemistry growing between the two of them.  But as she begins to see more and more of the real Travis beneath his dark façade, she can’t seem to resist the dangerous lure of their unlikely attraction.  
 
Billionaire Travis Harrison does everything he possibly can to repair the Harrison name after a scandal nearly destroyed his family years ago.  He makes sure he keeps himself and his actions in check, his emotions buried under a thick layer of ice.  Only his secretary and assistant,Alison Caldwell, makes him come close to losing his carefully constructed image.  The obstinate female keeps shoving him closer and closer to the edge of sanity every single day.  But when he finds out about her fiancé’s betrayal, his protective instincts roar to life inside him, making him want to ensure she’s never hurt again.  The only problem is…Ally doesn’t want his help, and the infuriating woman does everything she can to push him away, even as the two of them are swept into an undeniable passion that neither of them can possibly ignore.  Before long, Travis finds himself in ruthless pursuit of something much more important and elusive than just a business deal.  
Can these two very different, very stubborn people actually be meant to be together?  Find out if Travis and Ally can let down their defenses and surrender to a love so powerful it will rock them to the depths of their souls in Billionaire Undone, Book Five of The Billionaire’s Obsession series.    


Release Date May 12th 2014
 

Other Books In The series 

 
Mine For Tonight 

 

Currently Free 
 
Down on her luck, nursing student and full-time waitress Kara Foster gets a massive blow to her already desperate financial situation that will surely find her living on the streets. Needing nothing less than a miracle to save her, Kara gets rescue from an unknown, unlikely and overwhelming source. Billionaire Simon Hudson makes her an offer that is impossible to refuse, but terrifying to accept from a man that she's never met. Will the handsome, alpha billionaire really be a solution to her problems, or will he end up being a major complication and a danger to her emotional sanity?

Reclusive billionaire Simon Hudson would rather be behind a computer creating computer games than rubbing elbows with the elite and he knows exactly what he wants...until he meets Kara Foster. Something about Kara touches Simon in ways he's never experienced and definitely doesn't like. For over a year, Simon watches over Kara, but stubbornly refuses to admit his desire to possess her, not even to himself. But when she ends up in a situation that could very well be her destruction, Simon steps up to help her, not realizing that in saving Kara, he might very well be salvaging his own soul.

"Mine For Tonight" is book one of "The Billionaire's Obsession" . Books in this trilogy do not stand alone and need to be read in order. They include: 
 
The Billionaire's Obsession (Complete Collection)

 
 
This complete collection of The Billionaire's Obsession includes:
Mine For Tonight
Mine For Now
Mine Forever
Mine Completely

Down on her luck, nursing student and full-time waitress Kara Foster gets a massive blow to her already desperate financial situation that will surely find her living on the streets. Needing nothing less than a miracle to save her, Kara gets rescue from an unknown, unlikely and overwhelming source. Billionaire Simon Hudson makes her an offer that is impossible to refuse, but terrifying to accept from a man that she's never met. Will the handsome, alpha billionaire really be a solution to her problems, or will he end up being a major complication and a danger to her emotional sanity?

Reclusive billionaire Simon Hudson would rather be behind a computer creating computer games than rubbing elbows with the elite and he knows exactly what he wants...until he meets Kara Foster. Something about Kara touches Simon in ways he's never experienced and definitely doesn't like. For over a year, Simon watches over Kara, but stubbornly refuses to admit his desire to possess her, not even to himself. But when she ends up in a situation that could very well be her destruction, Simon steps up to help her, not realizing that in saving Kara, he might very well be salvaging his own soul.

18 + (This book contains graphic language, very steamy love scenes and lots of emotion.)
 
Heart Of The Billionaire (Book Two)
 
 
 
Author Note: This novel is the complete story of Sam and Maddie, but reading The Billionaire’s Obsession – The Complete Collection (Simon and Kara’s story) first is highly recommended to enhance your reading pleasure.

Sam and Maddie are here!

Billionaire Sam Hudson has pretty much lived his life with no apologies because he tries never to do anything that he’s sorry about…except for what he had done in the past to Dr. Madeline Reynolds. Many years and regrets later, Sam meets up with Maddie again by chance; his brother Simon is marrying Maddie’s best friend and the two of them are forced to be civil. But Sam wants to be more than polite, and he wants another chance to make things right, so he offers Maddie a bold proposition, an offer he knows she’ll have a very hard time declining even though she hates him.

Dr. Madeline Reynolds adores her best friend Kara and her fiancé Simon, but being forced into the company of Sam Hudson, because they are both in Simon and Kara’s wedding, is pure torture. She’s hated Sam for years, but when he offers her a bargain, something near and dear to her heart, she’s torn between her dislike for the man and the offer of something she’s always desperately wanted. Once, Sam Hudson nearly destroyed her, but Maddie discovers that sometimes things aren’t always what they appear to be. Is Sam really a devious heartbreaker, or is there something more to him beneath the surface?

Can two people with so many years of hurt between them learn to trust each other again?

Please note: This is an erotic romance and not appropriate for YA readers. The book contains graphic sex, language and situations not appropriate for YA readers.
 
The Billionaire Salvation (Book Three)
 
 
Amazon -  B&N
 
Billionaire Max Hamilton thought he was finally starting to find contentment, more than two years after losing his wife Mia in a tragic drowning accident.

He'd been reunited with a sister he hadn’t realized existed. Finally he had family again, a reprieve from the pain and loneliness that had haunted him since his devastating loss. Yeah…he was as happy as a man could be, considering he had lost the other half of his soul and most of his heart when fate had torn his wife away from him.

Or so he believed…until the day he rescued a mysterious woman in the park, a female who somehow had managed to reignite a part of him that he thought was long dead...
Suddenly, Max's protective, dominant, possessive male instincts flare to life, leaving him at a loss as to how lightning could possibly strike twice in one lifetime. Is he truly being given another chance at real happiness, or would it be dangled in front of him, only to be taken away once again?

Find out by reading The Billionaire’s Salvation, Book 3 in The New York Times Bestselling series, The Billionaire’s Obsession. This is a complete contemporary erotic romance novel with no cliffhangers!
      
 The Billionaire's Game (Book Four)
 
 
 
The Billionaire's Game - The Billionaire's Obsession ~ Kade

With his professional football career over due to a tragic accident, billionaire Kade Harrison takes on the task of solving a mystery for his brother-in-law and friend, Max Hamilton. Without his former career to fill every minute of the day, Kade's looking for something to challenge him--now that he's lost the career that had meant everything to him. But what starts out as a simple favor soon becomes a whole lot more than he bargained for when the woman he's seeking slips away from him every time he gets close to finding her. When Kade does finally corner her, things start to get even more complicated. Asha Paritala is nothing like he expected, and the female he had tracked down as a favor for Max soon becomes a woman he wants for his very own, a woman who makes protective and highly predatory instincts he didn't know he had flare to life inside him. Kade soon discovers that he wants Asha's total surrender to the desire and passion that vibrates intensely between the two of them, but he also wants her trust, the one thing Asha's history makes it difficult for her to give. Can Kade convince her that some things are worth risking it all?

Caught between two worlds, Asha Paritala is homeless, broke and damaged from a life of abuse and neglect. Born of an American mother and an Indian immigrant father, Asha was raised as an Indian woman by a foster family after the death of her natural parents when she was little more than a baby. She's spent her entire life under the control of others until finally breaking free two years earlier, and she's determined to keep her freedom, even if it means she has to struggle to survive. But when she meets Kade Harrison, her resolve is tested. After Kade helps her through a bad situation, she finds herself beginning to trust Kade as she's never trusted a man before. Kade is everything she always thought a man should be, but can she lose herself in him completely when she knows she's damaged and confused. And is it really possible that she could be a lost sibling to two people like Max Hamilton and Maddie Hudson? Asha is tempted by the possibility of family, and the irresistible lure of a man like Kade Harrison. Can a woman caught between two cultures, so flawed and so backward, really reach out and take what she wants, or will the instinct to run from the pain of her past destroy the hope of happiness for her future?

Find out if two broken souls can heal each other in The Billionaire's Game, book 4 of The Billionaire's Obsession series!!

This is a complete novel with no cliffhangers. 18+ due to sexual situations and graphic language.
       

About The Author




J.S. Scott is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of steamy romance. She's an avid reader of all types of books and literature. Writing what she loves to read, J.S. Scott writes both contemporary erotic romance stories and paranormal romance erotics. They almost always feature an Alpha Male and have a happily ever after because she just can't seem to write them any other way!

Please visit me at:  Facebook  Amazon 






Release Blitz - Severed Angel by KT Fisher and Ava Manello ***GIVEAWAY***

 
Severed Angel Release Facebook Header
 
 Release Date: 31st March, 2014
Severed Angel (Severed MC #1) by K.T. Fisher & Ava Manello
Published By: KBK Publishing

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Eve could never have imagined that her trip to Australia, where she is set to be maid of honor for her best friend's wedding, could turn from exciting to deadly so quickly.
Her sheltered and boring vanilla life comes to a screeching halt when she arrives in Australia and witnesses a shocking MC murder which puts her life in extreme danger. The Carnal MC are a dangerous and savage motorcycle gang who want Eve and will stop at nothing to seek their revenge.
Just when it seems her nightmare fate is sealed, Eve is rescued by the Severed MC and quickly falls for the club's Vice President Gabe aka "Angel". This could be just the diversion she needs. With her new protectors, Eve faces a whole new life she never could have imagined...
Gabe never wanted an old lady. One look at the beautiful Eve cowering at the hands of the enemy changes all that. Starting a war with the Carnal MC and having Eve in his bed is just the beginning.
When Gabe stakes his claim, he goes all in. War with Carnal MC is just the price of making Eve his, and only his. But love invites blood and tragedy in an MC's life.
Just when it's looking up for his MC and his new woman, a savage attack blows the lid off everything. Revenge possessed and determined can the hot tattooed biker save her from the danger that lies ahead?
*** CONTAINS ADULT THEMES AND MATERIAL - OVER 18's ONLY ***
Add to Goodreads
 

photo 4

I slowly walk in the direction of the noise. I have no idea why, snooping didn't exactly do me any favors the last time. There are a few more doors down here, one door is slightly open and I can tell it's a pool room. There are three pool tables spread around and I find the reason behind the noise. I've only ever been with one man at a time, in fact I've only ever been with douche-bag, but this girl has three. My brain races with the possibilities of what three men could do to my body.  After reading so many erotica books I’ve certainly fantasized about the things I’ve read, but it’s nothing compared to actually seeing it happen right in front of you.  Where I’m standing is dark, so even if they look up… they won’t be able to see me.  At least I hope not! The woman is naked, legs spread wide and laying on her back on the table.  One man has his head buried between her thighs, another thrusting his cock deep in her mouth at the edge of the table, and the third is licking her nipples from the other side. The sight is highly erotic and I'm immediately turned on. My eyes widen when they stop, flipping the girl over, dragging her down the table so one of the men can sit at its edge with her straddling his lap. The others take their positions, one behind her, the other standing above them all, giving the girl perfect access to his hard cock. Her moan fills the room as the three enter her, bumping and thrusting. I fight my own hands, biting on my lip. I am so turned on right now, I don't know what to do with myself. I think about running back to my room and taking care of myself, but I can't turn my eyes away from the scene acting out in front of me. I catch movement to my side, shocked to see Angel glaring at me. "Like what you see?" I stare wide eyed, I don't know what to say. I'm embarrassed he's caught me watching. He curses, looking back to the foursome.  The girl’s moaning becomes louder and I step back. I'm still turned on, my underwear is soaked, even though I'm ashamed at being caught watching. Angel looks at me, snickering before storming into the room. What the fuck is he doing? 

photo 2


 
 
 

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KT

 

K.T Fisher

I love reading, it's my favourite hobby. I've always had ideas for my own books packed into my head so I thought I would write them out for people to enjoy Stalk K.T. Fisher Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/KTFisher/490003474414733?ref=ts&fref=ts Twitter: KTFisher_Author Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/KTFisher Severed MC Australia

Ava Image

Ava Manello

Passionate reader, blogger, publisher, and author. I love nothing more tag helping other Indie authors publish their books be that reviewing, beta reading, formatting or proofreading, I love erotic suspense that's well written and engages the reader, and I love promoting the heck out of it over on my book blog. I'm married, a mother, but most of all I'm me! Stalk Ava Manello Facebook:  Twitter: @AvaManello Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/AvaManello Website: http://www.avamanello.co.uk

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We're giving away one $10 Amazon GIft Card and one $5 Amazon Gift Card.  2 runners up will receive signed Severed Angel postcards. a Rafflecopter giveaway
 
 
 
 

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Cover Reveal - Chronicles of Moxie by ZB Heller

 
 
Title: The Chronicles of Moxie
Author: Z.B. Heller
Genre: Adult Romantic Comedy
Publication Date: May 6, 2014
Cover Designer: Carrie from Cheeky Covers
Event Organized By: Literati Author Services, Inc.

~Synopsis ~

Moxie Summers is a curvy, twenty-six year-old teacher who has not had the best track record with relationships. In a drunken stupor at a bar, she meets Miles who turns out to be her sparing equal, until she vomits all over his shoes. Just when she thinks things couldn’t get worse, her dream man turns out to be the single father of the newest student in her class. While fighting an attraction for Miles, Moxie’s conniving stepmother tries to advise Moxie she needs to get in shape if she’s ever going to catch the man of her dreams. To make matters worse a Girl Scout plans Moxie’s demise, a surprise party makes everyone blush, and then there was the skunk… Can Moxie overcome all the Girl Scout cookies, food poisoning and a showdown at Costco to get to Miles?

Add to Goodreads

 

~ About the Author ~

As a little girl it was always a dream for Z.B. Heller to become She-Ra Princess of Power. Since this dream was unobtainable, she spent what was probably way to long in college trying to "find herself". Becoming an artist scratched the creative itch until the stories in her head were getting to be to loud for her to get anything else accomplished. She lives in St. Louis with her husband, son and Flemish Giant rabbit Chloe. In her spare time she likes to read, stalk celebrities on Twitter and create the type of art that people scratch their heads about.
 
Connect with the Author: Facebook | Twitter | Website | Goodreads
 

Blog Tour * Indulging In Irelyn by D.L. Raver


Synopsis

Warning: Don't read this book if you hate f**ked up alpha males, strong female leads, hot sex, and a kismet love story six years in the making. Oh yeah and a plot twist that will leave you reeling.

NFL quarterback, Zolt Hamil was America’s heartthrob until a career ending injury changed his life. Years later, he’s picked up the pieces and carved out a new path for himself. But the mental and physical scars of that day have left him moody and reclusive, and his only relief is indulging in pleasure and pain with his many one night stands. Though many women have tried, Zolt refuses to care about any of them. Only one woman has his heart; a hallucination of a young, sable-eyed, blonde beauty whom he conjured that painful day on the football field.

On the first day at his new job at a law firm in Scottsdale, Arizona, Zolt comes face to face with his hallucination, Irelyn Wilkes. Their fateful connection, and explosive passion for each other pulls them together, and this time, Zolt refuses to let her slip from his life.

But Irelyn has her own demons to fight and her controlling boyfriend is one of them. He doesn't take kindly to other people playing with his toys, and he’ll stop at nothing to keep her by his side.

Can Irelyn and Zolt defy the odds and find a way to be together? Or, will the events set in motion years ago keep them apart forever?


Chapter #1

I ran my hand along her naked arm as I moved toward the bindings that had her securely fastened to my wrought iron, four-poster bed. She’d been tethered there for over thirty minutes, and now that the sex was over, I imagined her arms and legs were probably beginning to ache as the adrenaline left her body.
Miss No-Name Brunette rubbed her arms and legs after I released her. I didn’t need or want to know her name. I’d never see her again so what was the point.
She watched me gather my clothes; her eyes roaming appreciatively over my body.
“So, John, when can I see you again? You’re amazing.” She licked her plump lips as her eyes traveled over my naked body, stopping when she noticed the nasty scars on my left shin. Small gray eyes darted to mine, and I saw the pity setting in. Pity was a deal breaker for me.
“We can’t,” I said and threw her clothes on the bed.
“Why?” Her bottom lip jutted out in disappointment. “Didn’t you enjoy yourself? You seemed to be having a great time.”
“It was fine, uh—”
“Nancy. My name is Nancy.”
I shrugged. “Right. Nancy. I don’t do repeat performances. Ever.”
“But—”
“Don’t take it personally. It’s just the way things are.”
Her eyes narrowed, and she scowled at me. Then, she climbed off the bed and pulled on her clothes. “I don’t understand. Are you married or something?”
“Nope. Not married or anything else that concerns you. I’m just not interested. Tonight was great. Really. I enjoyed the shit out of myself. Fucking you was exactly what I needed. Thanks.”
“How am I supposed to get home? I left my car at the club,” she whined.
“There’s a cab waiting to take you anywhere you want. I’ve already paid the fare.” I shrugged again. This was the bothersome part of operating this way. They always wanted to see me again, and my answer was always no.
“I should have known when you wouldn’t kiss me there was something wrong with you. I bet your name isn’t even John. Do you even live here?” Whatever-her-name yanked on her shoes, and then stood with her arms crossed over her chest.
“No, I don’t live here. And, darlin’, my name is whatever you want it to be.”
“Asshole.”
“Come on, now. We both had fun.” I flashed her my megawatt smile. “I’m pretty sure you came at least three times. It’s all good, and now, it’s all over.”
I walked to her side and gently took her arm, guiding her to the door.
“But I let you restrain me!” She stamped her foot as I opened the front door.
“You did and wasn’t it fun? Maybe you can find a man that will be as adventurous. Now, off you go, Sally. Bye, bye.”
“Nancy!” she shouted as I closed the door on her. I could still hear grumbling as she walked away.
 “Ugh.” Leaning against the door, I let out a long sigh. It would be a while before I could go back to that club. Too bad it ended the same every time. But I understood why. Women saw me as a catch. I knew I was attractive. It wasn’t conceit, either. It was a fact of life that all men of the Hamil family were hot.
My first year in the NFL, I was on the cover of Sports Illustrated as the Sexiest Man in Football. That cover, and the other endorsements I had, made me a nice amount of cash, so I was totally good with being an object of desire. Since they didn’t really know me, they didn’t know that I was nowhere as attractive on the inside.
I went back to the bedroom, washed and put the toys away, locking the drawer. Then, I stripped the bed, piling the sheets on the floor for the maid service to take care of.
I left, not knowing when I'd come back. Could be the following day. Could be two weeks from now. But tonight, I’d been out of fucking control—chomping at the bit to blow off some steam. In fact, I still hummed with energy.
Fuck!
My shadow-self pressed in on me for days. When I got like this, only one thing helped: acting out. So, I’d gone to the club in search of the first remotely available Nancy, Sally, or whoever, that didn’t revolt me. Nancy had been an easy mark. I hadn’t been there ten minutes before I’d bought her a drink, and we were out the door, heading to the apartment I kept specifically for this purpose. I was always happy when I found a woman willing to dabble in a little bondage. I wasn’t heavily into the BDSM scene, but knew how to wield pain for the ultimate pleasure.
If I stopped and thought about it, I’d be forced to acknowledged just how screwed up my life had become. So I didn't. I didn't think about all the nameless women I had fucked in the last six years, and how I hadn't been in a relationship since the injury. These exchanges served a purpose. Beyond that? Well, there was nothing beyond that.
But that didn’t mean I had become so jaded I’d forgotten how to get a woman off. I enjoyed women. Loved the soft curves of their body, and loved making them come. There was nothing hotter than watching a woman writhe and squirm as I fucked her closer to orgasm. The sound of her screaming what she thought was my name was music to my ears, but that was as far as it went.
The reality was, I was a mess, and I didn't want that advertised.
Actually, I was far worse than just a mess; I was fucking broken.
Sometimes, I wondered if I was even capable of having a normal relationship. Truth was, I waited for someone that didn't exist. A woman my pain-wracked brain conjured that day on the football field. To make matters worse, she wasn’t even of age. She was a young woman, maybe fifteen or sixteen, with the most beautiful sable-brown eyes and blonde hair I’d ever seen. Her face was sweet, kind, and compassion filled. I realized how creepy this sounds. I wasn't a sick fuck who preyed on young girls, and I had no idea why my mind created her. But all I knew was, if I ever discovered she was real, I’d do anything to have her.
I rubbed my aching leg, and then climbed into my Viper. God, I loved this car. She was all power and beauty, and driving her made me happy. I revved the engine and closed my eyes, loving the purr, and sometimes roar of her V10.
Once on route 101, I opened her up, pushing her past the century mark on the speedometer. It was crazy to be weaving in and out of traffic on the main freeway. I was asking to be pulled over, but again, I didn't care. In fact, I pressed her harder and watched as the needle climbed to 110. The concentration it took to control this machine exhilarated me. Still wound up and looking to banish my shadow-self the only way I knew how, I pushed her just a little more. Why fucking for over an hour didn’t do the trick, I had no idea. But if I didn’t burn this energy off before I got home, sleep would be out of reach. It wouldn’t do to start a new job at one of the country’s most prestigious law firms red-eyed and tired. Once home, I intended to take a long, hot shower, and then smoke a few bowls. Hopefully, I’d emerge tired enough to sleep. For a while, maybe I’d find peace until the nightmare returned that plunged me into my own personal hell.
A hell that I was used to. A hell that only she brought me out of.
The morning announced itself in its usual fashion. I jolted awake screaming, and drenched in sweat—the images as clear as the day they happened.
“Fuck!” I yelled to the empty room.
Pushing myself back against the headboard, I rubbed my leg, trying to make the pain go away. The image of her lovely face and those amazing sable-brown eyes chased the nightmare away, but my body still buzzed with the memories.
I looked over at the bong and lighter on my bedside table and sighed. Just once, I wished I didn’t have to numb myself to start the day.
Before giving in, I ran my hand over my damp collar-length hair, removing the waves sticking to my moist neck. I used to keep it short for this very reason, but I liked the way it looked longer.
As I always did, I picked up the bong and lit the bowl with the lighter. The glow of the burning weed, and the sound of the bong gurgling as I took a hit immediately calmed me. I inhaled deep and held the smoke in my burning lungs.
My long exhale sent a plume of smoke into the dawn-lit room. It floated for a second before dissipating, leaving behind the tangy smell of burning weed.
With my eyes closed, I slowed my heart rate and rapid breathing. The high kicked in, and I already felt the calm take over. I hated being so weak, and hated that what happened almost six years ago continued to affect and define my days. I used to be the epitome of discipline. Not anymore.
If I could let go of the self-blame, then maybe the dreams would abate. But night after night, I replayed the game and its never changing end.
At twenty-two, I had been one of the hottest quarterbacks in the NFL, playing for the Arizona Cardinals. The year prior, we’d made it to the NFC Championships, losing by a field goal.
The next year, we were back in the same position, with the golden ticket to the Super Bowl within our reach. The only thing standing in our way was the Philadelphia Eagles. I snarled as I thought about that team. I always snarled at the thought of them.
Two minutes remained on the clock, and we were on the ten-yard line on third down. I dropped into the pocket, searching the field for an open receiver. I danced this way and that as if my movements might slow the clock. With no receiver available, I sucked in a breath and decided to go for it. What I should have done was thrown it out of bounds and stopped the clock. That would have been the smart move—the safe move. We had one more chance. I had to make it happen. The year had to end in a run for the Super Bowl.
Running like a man on fire with the ball cradled against me as if I carried a newborn baby, I headed for the end zone. But I wasn't a running back, that wasn't what I had been trained for. Stupidly, I ran with my head down instead of up. As a result, I didn’t see the three-hundred pound linebacker heading my way. I was the man with the ball, and I had left the protection of my offensive line, which made me fair game.
The next thing I knew, I was laid out on the ground in extreme pain. When I looked down at my left leg, I was surprised—and not—to see it angled in an unnatural position. I knew then that I was well and truly fucked.
I tried to scream, but my voice failed me. Pain and the smell of the turf below me was all there was.
The hit was dirty, straight up. Later, I found out a bounty of $5,000 had been issued for any player that took out one of my knees. I hoped he got a bonus because he’d gone above and beyond his mandate. Not only did I miss a season, my football career was over. Instead of taking out my knee, his helmet, and the power behind it, he hit my shin and shattered my tibia and fibula.
I remembered lying on the ground as the trainers and medical staff attended me. Chaos had broken out around me. Players fought, and coaches and referees argued.
I needed to find peace from the commotion; needed to concentrate on something other than the excruciating pain coming from my leg. I turned my head and found a pair of big, sable-brown eyes, surrounded by golden-blonde hair, staring at me. She was beyond beautiful, and her eyes were mesmerizing. I had conjured an angel.
In my hallucination, we shared an instant connection. When all around I saw pity and remorse, in her eyes, I found solace and compassion—a kindred soul to my loss. The need to help, and her inability not to, showed in the tears falling down her face, and the trembling of her full red lips. My heart still clenched whenever I thought about it.
As conjurings go, I had created a whopper. When I thought back on it, I knew there was no way she could be real. The average person wouldn’t have been allowed to get so close to an injured player on the field. Hell, my girlfriend, who’d been sitting in the stands, wasn’t allowed on the field. It still baffled the shit out of me that my mind had created such a vivid image.
I could still see her brushing tears from her eyes in my hallucination, and I remember her taking a small step forward. I wanted her to come closer, to touch me. That was where the hallucination ended, stopped by a new streak of pain that had traveled through my leg, sending me into momentary blackness. When I opened my eyes, my blonde-haired beauty with soul-filled eyes had disappeared. All I had left was the image of her that pulled me from my terror every morning. I figured she’d probably be around twenty or twenty-one by now if she were real. I’d admit, that even today, I looked for those eyes in every blonde I encountered.
Pathetic. Yeah. Too fucking pathetic.
I sighed and took two more hits off the bong. Maybe one too many, but at least now I felt more balanced, controlled, and ready to start the day.
What the world saw now was a man who graduated from Harvard Law School, summa cum laude, and worked for almost three years at a top law firm in Boston. Some of the country's top law firms had courted me, and I had my pick of firms. But I decided to come back to Arizona, the place where my life changed forever.
Gingerly, I climbed out of the bed and headed for the pool. I didn’t bother putting on swim trunks; swimming naked was awesome. After a few stretches, I dove into the pool and swam laps for an hour. Swimming kept me in shape, though not the shape of an NFL football player. Those days were gone.
Finishing my laps, I headed for the shower, feeling excited, like something huge would happen today. The last time I had this feeling, something huge happened all right. I looked at my leg and scowled as sudsy water washed over my angry scars.
I dried off and walked into my closet, surveying the suits I had to choose from. I was somewhat of a clotheshorse—always had been. Today, I picked a black Hugo Boss suit, white shirt, and black, silk tie. In the mirror before me, I watched a professional, seemingly together man tie his tie. It was a lie of course, but one I was used to.
Once dressed, I went to the kitchen and packed up a brownie in a plastic bag to take with me. I'd gotten good at baking brownies. But these weren't just any chocolaty treats. These had a kick. Cliché I know, but hey, whatever got me through the day. Whether I’d partake in it depended on how the day went. Obviously, smoking at work wasn’t a good idea. But every now and then, the pain became unbearable. If a handful of ibuprofen didn’t do the trick, the brownie would. I refused to take pain meds. Those things did a number on my brain.
I put the brownies away, and all the paraphernalia of my coping mechanism, and locked them in a cabinet in the pantry. I didn't need Hannah, my housekeeper, finding them. She probably wouldn't care, but I did.
Thinking of Hannah made me laugh. I'd only met her twice, but we had developed an odd, sometimes hilarious, texting relationship. I really liked her. Her cooking was amazing, and she kept my home perfect.
Her work was about to increase, and I was thrilled. My brother was bringing my dog, Ben, home to me. He had been with Brody in Colorado for the last two months while I got settled. I couldn't wait to see both of them. Thinking about it made me giddy. I knew Ben would love it here. There was plenty of room for him to run. Bernese Mountain dogs needed lots of exercise. I almost didn’t get him because of that. Now, I couldn’t imagine my life without him. He got my ass outside and stopped me from being such a hermit. If I thought about the fact that my best friend was a dog, I would get bummed. But then again, fuck it! I loved my dog, and I had missed him terribly.
I doled out my handful of vitamins and four ibuprofen into my hand, and then popped them into my mouth. From the fridge, I pulled out a bottle of OJ, taking large swigs from the bottle.
Let the day begin, I thought as I walked down the hall to the door. The sound of my designer shoes on the travertine floors reminded me of the sound of cleats on concrete. It made me smile, but the memory was bittersweet, and I pushed it aside. Behind bittersweet was pure malice, an emotion I couldn't allow myself. Not today.
Grabbing the keys to my Viper, I headed out the door.
Watch out Arizona, Zolt Hamil was back.


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